Restart My Heart

Beloved friend,

As I turn my eyes toward a new year that brims with possibility and unfurls the hope of a fresh start, I want to let you in on what's happening over here at A Grace Narrative. The blog will soon be moving to a new site, although you will still be able to access the content at www.gracenarratives.com. My prayer is that I may be able to continuing serving you with encouragement and support in your walk with the Lord.

To begin the new year, I am making a list of all the ways my heart longs for a restart--and because I know that not a person in my life can afford for me to be asleep--I am sharing the following with you...

Awaken My Heart

For God says,

“At just the right time, I heard you.
    On the day of salvation, I helped you.”

Indeed, the “right time” is now. Today is the day of salvation.

{2 Corinthians 6:2 NLT}

Yeah, I know, it has been that kind of year....The kind where each day can feel like 86,400 breaths that you're barely catching. And don't blink because when you look up it's onto the next thing. The next sound bite. The next snap. The next 140 characters. The next missed call. The next moment reverberates reckless in your already shattered ears. But who can hear it? When the call resounds within your heart to go, to love, to hold, to serve, to be present now...who can hardly even hear it?

It's been the kind of year when unprecedented things happened in the celestial heavens, and earth shattering events shook our souls; when the headlines appeared in your backyard and you knew the names of the victims; and you wept, because who can stand to bare much more of this? We all teetered on the fence between sleeping standing up and awakening to our current reality. This is where we must take pause. We get this one wild moment when our two hands swing straight upward and our souls crash together in one solid stroke. When in our darkest hour, we have a chance at awakening to a brand new thing. Will we not perceive it?

Wandering Heart

O to grace how great a debtor

Daily I’m constrained to be!

Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,

Bind my wandering heart to Thee.

Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,

Prone to leave the God I love;

Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,

Seal it for Thy courts above.

{Robert Robinson, 1758}

Opening my journal I see words scrolled across the page like threads sewn tightly in a desperate attempt to mend, and they pull at the fray of my wandering heart. I shuffled through my book bag in eager search for a pen to write with but all I found was this pencil...

Today I stole a few moments of quiet to read and commune with God. It felt like I was saying to the Lord, “I've missed you,” the way I did with my dear friend this week when we finally got together over coffee.

You can have a friend for only a short time and know she is a kindred soul, a connection that runs deep in the marrow. A friend can be family, the way a name runs through bloodlines and it's written into you.

I think about that, how blood has connected me to my own family, and how the blood of the Lamb has joined me with a new family, not born of my flesh but born of God's spirit; how the blood of our kinsman redeemer was spilled upon a rock, and by that shed blood we are all related, we who believe on his name.

My God and savior restores unto me a rightful place in his kingdom family, and each time I come before the cross I am in the presence of family. So when we are apart, it is not because we have been severed, but it's likely I've drifted for a time.

Day 25 - Work with Heart

 Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord...

{Colossians 3:23}

Being a number of days behind on my 31 day writing challenge I was tempted to forfeit the series altogether, when it occurred to me: nothing about the walk with Christ is ever forfeit. We don't take a day off in the life of faith or get disqualified from the race just because of a few interruptions.

Paul was our perfect example of this as he faithfully persevered under persecution, trial, and storm on his way to Rome. He had his eye ever focused on the upward call of God. It seems a rather lofty comparison to make in regard to my humble blogging challenge...But it reminds me that whatever it is God has called me to it is a holy endeavor.

When I was in high school, I participated in much of the campus life such as marching band, drill team, and academic clubs. My free time had a thin margin and I kept very busy participating in these positive outlets. That was good for me because, as is common for teens, I tended to wander into mischief otherwise. To show for my participation I lettered in a few of my activities; so my folks bought me a letterman jacket. On the back of the jacket I had monogrammed the verse Colossians 3:17 to remind myself why I was able to do any of those good things. Sure they were achievements to be proud of, but I wanted to remember that they were gifts from God. We are all given the gift of our work, talents for our labor, that we can use to glorify God with our lives.

Whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father. (Col 3:17)

In reading the story of creation in Genesis 2, I love the part that specifically states that no plants had grown up from the earth yet because there was not yet a man to cultivate the ground. So God made a man, Adam, and placed him very strategically in the garden we know as Eden. Adam's job, the work which God gifted him to do, was to tend and cultivate the garden. I love that! Adam was given the gift of work, and you can be sure that God endowed him with everything that he needed to do that very special task on the earth. It brought glory to his Maker.

So how about you, what work are you gifted with? Do you write? Let your words be go forth to further the gospel. Do you sing? Let your song bring others into worship. Do you cook? Let it bless others to taste and see that the Lord is good. Let everything you do be as if you are working for the Lord. See it as an opportunity to reawaken to this moment, to do and to be all God has called you to today.

Revive My Heart - Write 31 Days 

Day 24 - Tune My Heart

Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing

The United Methodist Hymnal Number 400
Text: Robert Robinson, 1735-1790
Music: Wyeth's Repository of Sacred Music, Part Second
Tune: NETTLETON, Meter: 87.87 D

---

1. Come, thou Fount of every blessing,
tune my heart to sing thy grace;
streams of mercy, never ceasing,
call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount! I'm fixed upon it,
mount of thy redeeming love.

2. Here I raise mine Ebenezer;
hither by thy help I'm come;
and I hope, by thy good pleasure,
safely to arrive at home.
Jesus sought me when a stranger,
wandering from the fold of God;
he, to rescue me from danger,
interposed his precious blood.

3. O to grace how great a debtor
daily I'm constrained to be!
Let thy goodness, like a fetter,
bind my wandering heart to thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
prone to leave the God I love;
here's my heart, O take and seal it,
seal it for thy courts above.

Revive My Heart - Write 31 Days 

 

Day 23 - Heart Story

“Whether or not we see it, we've each been invited to participate in the love story of God. We each have something to contribute. We have good works to live out, deeds prepared a long time ago in a Kingdom close at hand.”

{Jaime George, Poets and Saints}

When was it that I first realized that I was part of a plot line? It was Shakespeare who coined the term, “All the world is a stage.” I remember the passion of reading through literary texts in college ranging from Dante's Inferno to The Confidence Man as well as folklore from around the world.

My journey through literature had brought me along vast terrains. Yet despite the diversity of landscapes, I couldn't help but find a thread of the gospel story weaved throughout cultures, traditions, and worldviews.

I had a professor for a course called Advanced Elements of Argument, who constantly challenged the Christian perspective as we had read through various works. Boldly I returned the challenge, daring him to find the spiritual meta-narrative within the texts. How often one finds it there, between the lines, man's confession of his need for God—no man is set apart from the search for truth and revelation of the divine—not even the atheist.

In everything I have read, I visualize it is as if a large canvas or a tapestry is laid out showing how the God story is interwoven through every narrative. Just as you can see yourself within the pages of a fantastic work of fiction, I began to see myself as a player in the love story of my God.

I realized that I was a character alongside the saints of old; and it changed my perspective on the events of my life. The setting of my terrain appeared to be intentional, planned even, as if a narrator had penciled me in. The conflicts of my story line developed with deeper meaning. The climactic elements, when I found myself treading upon rocky cliffs, gave birth to hope that the story has a purposeful and even prosperous resolution.

Do you know that God's story for you began long before you were born? Since His creation of the first man and woman, God had the most wonderful plan for his children to dwell with him, to live in relationship with him.

The Bible says that God created you in Christ Jesus to do good works—to live your poema—He planned them for you long ago (Eph 2:10). For He who has begun a good work in you will see it through to completion on the day of Christ Jesus (Phil 1:6). He is the author and finisher of your faith (Heb 12:2).

Maybe you feel, because of the chapter you are in (or the one you just came out of), that your story is too much of a mess. But if you have received Christ in your heart then He has already written the rest of your story. God wrote the perfect resolution to the conflict of humanity: Jesus Christ. He has a plan for your story line; everyday is written in His book (Ps 139:16). He's just waiting for you to jump right in.

Will you say yes to God today? Invite Him into your story and watch new miracles unfold.

Revive My Heart - Write 31 Days

Day 22 - Commit the Heart

This year, 2016, can be summed up for me by the word trust. In living it out I have learned that trust looks like surrender: giving up, handing over, letting go.

Giving over the will, the plans, and the desires of the heart means trusting that God not only will make a way but that His way is good. Since the beginning His children have proved that to walk by faith is to have the assurance of things not seen (Heb 11).

This really is at the heart of the righteous. God is good and His love for us is bigger than we could ever imagine (Eph 3:17-19). A heart that knows this can fully surrender to and be abandoned to following after God in every part of life.

God has given each of us a territory, a domain, a terrain, in which we live that has certain boundaries. Right now it may feel like you are wandering through an open land as vast and endless as the desert. Or maybe your domain feels limited by elements outside of your control and you feel confined in some way.

In actuality, if we have put our trust in the Lord, then he is guiding us in the land he has designed for us, maybe even hedging us in so that we keep within the perimeters of his will for our lives. That gives me incredible peace as I place my trust in him.

Everything we do in commitment to Him we can go forward believing that He has our best interest in mind (Jer 29:11). We can trust that He will bring about the purist desires of our heart as we delight ourselves in Him.

Trust in the Lord and do good;

Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness.

Delight yourself in the Lord;

And He will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the Lord,

Trust also in Him, and He will do it.

{Psalm 37:3-5}

Revive My Heart - Write 31 Days

Day 21 - Here's My Heart

Here's my heart, Lord
Here's my heart, Lord
Here's my heart, Lord
Speak what is true
{Lauren Daigle}

It's all about surrender, this walk with God.

And the thing about surrender is that it reveals the heart. The bible says that the heart is deceitfully wicked above all else, and we know that it goes back to the root of the first sin. When Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit their eyes were opened and they were naked and vulnerable (Gen 3:4-7). Their hearts were exposed.

So I look at this and see that when we come to God, when we turn to Christ, it is painful because we stand before a holy God, naked and vulnerable. Our hearts are exposed and we see our sin for what it is. It is shocking and raw. Surrendering to Jesus brings us to that moment when we see our hearts in the light of God's righteousness. Light pierces through the darkness.

But the moment of surrender brings beautiful transfiguration to our hearts. God is able to revive us, breath life into us, restore us to Him, and remake us into the image of His Son. Surrender begins with acknowledging who we are and who God is. Then we can view ourselves anew in the glorious reflection of Christ.

Lauren Deigle – Here's My Heart

I am found, I am Yours
I am loved, I'm made pure
I have life, I can breathe
I am healed, I am free

Revive My Heart - Write 31 Days

Day 19 - Open Heart

"Behold, I stand at the door [of the church] and continually knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him (restore him), and he with Me."

{Revelation 3:20-21 AMP}

Yesterday I posted about having guarded hearts Vs. guarding our hearts. We reflected on what it might mean to guard our hearts for Christ while tearing down the walls we've build around them. How having an open heart means letting in true joy, and I will add, freedom.

A friend responded so beautifully with this prayer,

"Lord, I pray for all the people reading this post, that they would have the ability to break down walls with unlovable people. Strengthen them to feel your love so that when they are wounded by others, they are not destroyed. Help them to love with no expectation of being loved back. Because Lord, You loved us even while we were still in our trespasses and sins. May we have the strength to do this. Amen!" {Susan Evans}

And today, this extraordinary piece pops up on my computer screen, and I am blown away! This is so powerful. Listen to Hosanna's spoken word performance of "Knocking..." A piece about letting God into our walls...

Hosanna Poetry- "Knocking"

Revive My Heart - Write 31 Days
 

Day 18 - Guard My Heart

Watch over your heart with all diligence,
For from it flow the springs of life.

{Proverbs 4:23}

The other day I wrote about being refreshed by God's unfailing love, and in that post I decided to focus on doing ten things this week that bring me joy. So I posed the question to my friends on social media, “What are 10 things that bring you joy when you do them?”

Their answers varied, although every list had one special thing in common that my friends said brings them joy. Essentially, it is doing something for others that in turn brings them joy. Whether it is family game night, baking with our kids, volunteering in the classroom, serving in the nursery, or surprising a friend with a gift on their doorstep, the fullest way to bring joy into our lives is to bring it to others.

I thought about how that idea had made its way onto everyone's lists. Bringing joy to others. And I thought about how easy it is to actually do the opposite. Don't we often tend toward doing the thing that feels good to us? Isn't it human nature to do what is good for us sometimes at the expense of others?

Sometimes it feel easier to guard ourselves against others because we want to protect ourselves. Maybe for fear of being hurt, rejected, or taken advantage of. I read this quote recently: "Being afraid of wounds from other people might cause us to forfeit the capacity to love." (Read it here) 

But when we are guarded we unknowingly shut out the very people God has sent to show us his love. Instead of guarding our hearts against evil, we erect walls around ourselves, making enemies of those whom God intends for us to love.

Yet, in my friends' responses I was seeing the proof that joy is manifest in our lives when we open ourselves up to others. God never designed us to keep his love to ourselves. Love is relational, it must be shared. So when we live by God's design in sharing love, then we fulfill the law of Christ (see Gal 6:2).

Guarding your heart means you give over your worries and cares to God and receive his peace (Phil 4:7). It means you put on your spiritual armor against evil that tries to steal your faith and joy (Eph 6:16). Guard your heart against the things that set themselves up against the knowledge of God's love: like pride, self-pity, worry, or mistrust. Guard your heart because it belongs to Christ.

I don't know about you, but I am ready for more authentic relationships, no guards up. Are you ready to tear down the walls that keep you from receiving true joy and love? Let's be willing to be honest and vulnerable, open to listen and receive others. When we do we give ourselves the opportunity to give love and joy in return.

Revive My Heart - Write 31 Days 

Day 17 - Keep My Heart

Kari Jobe - Keeper Of My Heart

 

Psalm 121

I will lift up my eyes to the mountains;
From where shall my help come?
My help comes from the Lord,
Who made heaven and earth.
He will not allow your foot to slip;
He who keeps you will not slumber.
Behold, He who keeps Israel
Will neither slumber nor sleep.

The Lord is your keeper;
The Lord is your shade on your right hand.
The sun will not smite you by day,
Nor the moon by night.
The Lord will protect you from all evil;
He will keep your soul.
The Lord will guard your going out and your coming in
From this time forth and forever.

Prayer

O, Lord, maker of heaven and earth. We put our trust in you. Keep us and guide us, be our ever present help in time of need. Lead us in all our ways. Let our hearts not be troubled by the trials of this life, nor faint because of evil. We put our trust in you. We look forward expectantly, with glad anticipation, looking toward the day of your return, King of Heaven, keeper of our hearts. Amen.

Revive My Heart - Write 31 Days

Day 16 - Refresh My Heart

Deep calls to deep at the sound of Your waterfalls;
All Your breakers and Your waves have rolled over me.

{Psalm 42}

Life is lived in practicalities. Each day we must go about our daily work dealing with matters of life. It makes one thirsty for tender moments of worship when the Lord's presence is most felt. When your heart is turned toward God in focused devotion you may feel like nothing in the world could remove the joy and pleasure of His presence.

As the deer longs for streams of water,
    so I long for you, O God.
I thirst for God, the living God.

Yet in the living of a day, we can easily get weighed down by trials, conflicts, illness, and the mundane work of our hands. This is why Mondays feel so Monday-ish and Fridays feel like freedom. God's design for a Sabbath is essential to recharge our energy banks and renew the courage of our hearts.

Why am I discouraged?
    Why is my heart so sad?
I will put my hope in God!
    I will praise him again—
    my Savior and my God!

Reading Psalm 42 reminds us that the conflicts we face are part of this life, but our source of refreshment and renewal comes from the Lord. He alone can satisfy the longing of our hearts and nourish our parched souls.

But each day the Lord pours his unfailing love upon me,
    and through each night I sing his songs,
  praying to God who gives me life.

Come to the streams of water. Be refreshed by God's love, let it wash over you. We can tell our hearts to beat again. This week we can practice some practical ways to receive refreshment and revive our hearts in the middle of the mundane.

I saw this journal prompt, and I think it is a good place to start: Journal about 10 things that bring you joy when you do them.

Here are my ten things. I'm going to make it my goal to do a few of them throughout the week.

1. Worship
2. Time with family
3. Coffee/tea with friends
4. Reading for enjoyment
5. Writing in my journal
6. Playing music
7. Dance/exercise
8. Outdoor adventures
9. Baking with my daughter
10. Create pleasant surroundings (tidy up, light candles, seasonal decorations, etc)

What are 10 things that bring you joy when you do them? Maybe you can make it a goal for your week to do a few of these things, and tell your heart to beat again.

I'd love to hear about a few of the things that bring you joy. Please share with us in the comments below!

Revive My Heart - Write 31 Days

Day 7 - Brokenness

Create in me a clean heart, O God,
And renew a steadfast spirit within me.

{Psalm 51:10 AMP}

Does it feel like it's coming at you from all sides lately? Yeah...I get that. It's no secret that we're living in a broken world. So far from the perfection of The Garden that all of creation is aching to be reborn. When it seems like we're all being emptied of the stuff that matters, it has me craving more of God to fill in the blank spaces of my heart.

Jesus puts it so simply in his Sermon on the Mount. Yet it shall take me a lifetime finding it out. “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.” {Matt 5:6NIV}

Why brokenness? Why does following Jesus mean pain along the way? These are the honest questions of the brokenhearted.

First

First

By Lauren Daigle

Before I bring my need
I will bring my heart
Before I lift my cares
I will lift my arms
I wanna know You
I wanna find You
In every season
In every moment
Before I bring my need
I will bring my heart
And seek You

First

Guard Your Heart

It is Friday, Day 9 of my series Speak Praise, as part of the Write 31 Days challenge. (Click here to follow the series and catch up on any you've missed.)

Already I have experienced many obstacles in persevering to write everyday. We have an enemy who wants nothing more than to put a rod in my wheel spokes and throw me off the road.

Only a week before this October writing challenge began, my family was hit with a life-sized trial. It comes with a whole subset of challenges that we must adjust to, throwing off our routine, our lifestyle, and our worldly securities.

That trial was followed by other news and a whole range of depth of emotions that follow. Suddenly our calendar has become jam-packed, our phone rings off the hook, and we're wondering if we are going to have a “normal” holiday season, let alone in the new year.

On top of all that, we discovered termites are eating their way through the beams of our covered patio. It would seem that our home is being invaded.

So when my blog series theme is Speak Praise, and I throw my hands up because I want to give up, the Holy Spirit helper nudges me that the trials are not a surprise. And that should give me cause to rejoice! What?

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. JAMES 1:2-3

When we are called to do God things, ordinary things become supernatural things, and everyday things become targets for spiritual attack. We are talking fiery darts, lies, accusations, condemnation, and adversity of various kinds.

We are called to rejoice. Since I am writing about that very thing--rejoicing in the Lord, the power of our thoughts, words, worship, and God's word--why am I surprised when the accuser brings it all into question?

One week into this series and I am learning it clearly: giving praise in the midst of adversity is the way through.
 

Praise is the way we reinforce our belief in a God who is good all the time; to claim the promises we believe to be true in the scriptures; to live the claim of victory we have in Christ.

What we must remember in the midst of spiritual warfare, the voices that call names, accuse, and condemn only come from one place. We have to call-out the father of lies and claim our territory as God's temple, that we have already been established victoriously through the blood of the Lamb.

We cannot get to speaking praise if the well is empty and filled with the raw sewage of lies spewed from the mouth of a serpent. We must become worshipers in Spirit and in truth so we can fill the well of our heart with living water and fortify our temple with the truth of God's word.

Therefore, my beloved brothers and sisters, be steadfast, immovable, always excelling in the work of the Lord [always doing your best and doing more than is needed], being continually aware that your labor [even to the point of exhaustion] in the Lord is not futile nor wasted [it is never without purpose]. 1 CORINTHIANS 15:58 (AMP)

This Friday, I am sharing a word from a “cheerleader of the faith”, Kelly Balarie of Purposeful Faith.

Kelly writes about what to do when our heart, also called the temple of God, comes under attack and how to “Protect What God Loves Most in You.”

Click to continue on and read her post: http://purposefulfaith.com/god-loves-most/

Overflow of the Heart

My friend sits across the table telling me about her daughter's talent on the piano. How she had encouraged her to nurture the seeds God has planted in her heart, let it grow until it overflows into the lives of others. Because you know? There's not enough of that in this world. There can never be too much of the good stuff running over.

Every year a few of the teachers at my daughter's school take the children on a field trip to a local apple farm. The children learn about harvesting, raising small livestock, beekeeping, and how to make pressed apple cider.

Farmer talked about what makes an apple good for pressing. And the kids shouted answers like, "it's on the inside."

 “You don’t get wormy apples off a healthy tree, nor good apples off a diseased tree. The health of the apple tells the health of the tree. You must begin with your own life-giving lives" LUKE 6:45 (MSG)

The kiddos lined up by the cider press waiting for a chance to toss in the apples and turn the hand crank to grind the apples into a wooden bucket. One by one they stood on the platform to press the apple mash. Golden liquid trickled down through the spout into a new bucket. Farmer funneled the liquid amber into a pitcher for all to taste.

As a woman, as a mom, there are moments that press me in, and sometimes what overflows from my heart is plain nasty. It comes pouring out like rancid, rotton drabble that is as empty as the pitcher I poured it from. Gossip comes too easily when "I can't believe what she said," and "I can't believe what he did" come down like the judge's gavel, "Don't they know it's wrong?" (Losing by Tenth Avenue North).

“Pies are like words. You cannot unbake a pie. You cannot unsay words.” –Veggie Tales

We lost a loved one who used to say, "Actions speak louder than words." So when he tragically took his own life, the depth of that motto was profound. Actions do speak.

What is my life speaking? What am I saying with the way that I live that my little girl can model after? How do my actions speak love to my husband?

How does anyone know what I believe if what comes out of my heart leaves a bitter taste in the mouth? Post a guard at my mouth, God, set a watch at the door of my lips (Ps141:3).

My friend and I finish the last of our tea, and the conversation lingers as we drink in the sweetness of our company. And she says, "I want my heart to be so full of God's grace that what's inside spills out." 

May the abundance of God's love poured into our hearts come brimming over the edges as praise!
May we turn to the grace spilled out in love upon written tablets of stone that we may be set free.
May we press in to the Word that changes us from the inside out.
May we experience the power of the Spirit to fill us up and make us more like Jesus.

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.
PSALM 19:14

Write Your Story

Music for your Monday

"Write Your Story", song by Francesca Battistelli

"Just write," He said to me.

I replied by naming all the reasons why not to, till a ticker tape parade of endless excuses trailed after me. All the fanfare I gave in my declination of this proposal gave way to scenes from the story of Jonah as it played out in the invisible thought bubble that hovered over my head.

Would God have to send a storm to crash my boat party and throw me overboard to be swallowed up by a big fish in order for me to follow the call?

Thankfully, He was more of a gentleman in this case, persistent in pursuing me until I was wooed by his kindness.

"Ok." I relented.

So I picked up the proverbial pen again, and put down my list of excuses.

Today, I am inviting God to continue to write his story on my heart and I am inviting you to do the same.

Have you ever wondered, what is it I'm missing here? Or felt the prompting to live for something bigger than yourself? What is one thing you have been putting off because you felt too small to do it?

When I laid down all my lame excuses on the table, there next to me on the counter was the good book, full of all the answers to debunk them. I weighed them in the balance of my two hands:

Here are all the reasons why I feel unworthy of the calling He has placed on my heart; but here in the Bible are all the reasons He calls me worthy.

And right now, He is saying this to you too:
You are not unqualified.
You are loved by a Father in heaven who has pre-qualified you for his kingdom (Romans 8:28).
You are not unworthy.
Because of Christ you are called worthy (Romans 5:1).
You are not lacking certification.
You are certified by the Holy Spirit as a guarantee of your inheritance (Ephesians 1:13).
You are not unaccredited.
For you have received a holy accreditation that He has written on your heart so that you can walk in confidence (Romans 4:22; Jeremiah 31:33; Romans 8:31).

For no matter how many promises God has made, they are always YES in Christ (2 Corinthians 1:20).

So what do you say? Are you ready to say yes?

Baring Scars

So remember your doubts and show proudly your scars

Let the sound of your cries write a song in your heart

...May we never lose in the light what we found in the dark

– Lyrics by Dominic Balli, Paul Duncan

What is it about the lighting in a department store dressing room that makes me want to chuck all the clothes out the door and high-tail-it outta there? Fifteen or so garments hung on hooks, waiting to be tried on in my attempt to be summer-ready; but after the first one I couldn't shake the urge to slunk home in dark sunglasses to hide my shame. Surely if it was this bad in the semi-privacy of a dressing room, how much more would the sun reveal my imperfections?

Even if I gained the confidence to brave the beach barely clothed, I would never be able to hide the scar on my right shoulder—the one engraved twenty years ago after an auto accident—large enough that only make-up can mask it, minimizing the pigmentation. There it remained, staring back at me in the mirror.

Concerning this I implored the Lord three times that it might leave me. And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness" (2 Corinthians 12:8-9a).

I had made an appointment to see the dermatologist. She explained how injections of an anti-inflammatory would help, then eventually laser therapy. I had heard it all before, only this time desperation won me over. The pain of the scar was more than skin deep.

I had delayed the treatments because I didn't want to face the discomfort. Just as I had delayed writing this post for the same reason...

During my first treatment, lying back on that exam table with my shoulder bare, I felt more exposed than if I had been unclothed. I braced myself in the vulnerability, white knuckles clung tightly around my body. The doctor had to remind me to breath.

I remained on that table voluntarily because I knew that the outcome far outweighed the discomfort of the moment.

Suddenly I was very aware of the Lord's presence.
I remembered...
How he laid himself down upon the beams to have nails driven into his hands and his feet.
How he endured nakedness, mocking, spitting, insults, and shame. 
I embraced myself in anticipation of the next shot as
I remembered his sacrifice for me.
Involuntary tears burst from deep within.

Each injection was a searing attempt to get below the surface, to infuse a potion that would soften and heal the hardened flesh. It was like years of memories were piercing through me as the pain reflected the past.

And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart (Ezekiel 36:26 NLT).

Being this open and vulnerable is frightening and sometimes painful. At times I avoid opportunities to share my story with others because it can feel like opening old wounds. This kind of vulnerability makes one aware of the scars of a life that was broken and busted. But I've been learning that it is the scars in your story that point others to hope and healing.
 

I received it in my email inbox this week when I dragged myself back to this draft. Grace notes posted from a blogger whom I humbly admire—another push from God to bare my scars bravely—Ann Voskamp writes on the humiliation of the gospel,

“The life of Jesus would radically suggest: Don’t advertise your beautiful faith without advertising your broken-down faults — because those broken-down faults are the exact reason why you need your beautiful faith.”

The gospel account of John describes the first encounter of the risen Lord to his disciples. Jesus showed his friends his scars, in his hands, in his feet, and in his side, as proof of the divine transformation that had taken place in his suffering. His scars revealed the power of God in Christ to bring life from death.

Just as he does with us.

Some people hear the gospel and draw back fearing that in the light of Jesus, the Son of God will reveal their faults. So in an attempt to cover themselves in their nakedness, they put on clothes of shame and regret (sound familiar? Adam and Eve did this). 

But if we don't bare our scars—both to Christ and to one another—we deprive each other the opportunity to experience God's love and grace and transfiguring power to bring us back from the graves we were in.  

This is true victory in Christ: that we bare our scars without shame. That we proclaim with boldness what God has done for us so that others may find the courage to come with their scars and receive healing and freedom to walk in faith.

Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.

– 2 Corinthians 12:9b

Take This Heart

Since I've been home as a mom, a new kind of yearning has filled my heart. Strange as that sounds coming from a mommy who blissfully spends her days enjoying her sweet baby girl... My heart has been aching for some way to reach out.

For seven years, it was in the daily interaction with my teenage students. Even on the days when I felt the immense spiritual battle, I knew that I was called to serve them and prayed daily for a compassionate heart.

Now that my sphere is much smaller, I've been praying about how I can give back to God some portion of the abundance he's given me. Well, immediately I understand that I do that minute by minute with my daughter and my husband. This has made me mindful of the way I steward my time and energy for them - this includes my attitude, which I am continuously working on and have to confess to the Lord everyday.

But in addition to loving on my husband and daughter, the Lord has impressed upon my heart Psalm 51:16-17 declaring

You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart
you, God, will not despise.

and 1 Samuel 15:22

 But Samuel replied:

“Does the LORD delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices
as much as in obeying the LORD?
To obey is better than sacrifice,
and to heed is better than the fat of rams.

My brother came over last Saturday for an afternoon visit. He had just been to see a friend who was moving to Colorado for a job. This friend, he met at a laundry mat in Mentone, a homeless man who was fighting to stay off of drugs, struggled with suicidal thoughts, and just wanted to know God.

Diligently, compassionately, my brother returned to the laundry mat each week to wash his clothes and chat with his friend. Over a few years, he was able to encourage this man and speak truth into his life. Is my brother a saint? Nah! I grew up with him - I would know - haha! BUT, he loves the Lord and was willing to make himself a little uncomfortable for the sake of another.

I had that thought in my head all week. As I have prayed about how I might serve God with my talents right where I am, the Lord encouraged me through my brother.

Many of my days this year have been spent at home with my baby, working around her nap schedule, keeping her in from the heat, running errands, doctor's visits, etc. I've even dealt with a new kind of loneliness that comes with the territory of being a once career-driven now stay-at-home mom.

Then I remembered my neighbors - literally the folks next door. On our left is a kind, older couple who like to travel. The wife had an accident while on a recent trip and she broke her foot. She's stuck at home for weeks.

On our right is an elementary school teacher from San Bernardino (my previous school district) who is on disability for lupus and neuropothy among other things. So, with my brother's words in my head and the Lord's leading, it dawned on me - "I'm home every afternoon wondering what to do with my busy little girl! Duh! Go visit your neighbors, Janette!"

So yesterday I took the baby with me over to visit the neighbor on our right. She and I had a nice long chat and I think we were both blessed by each other's company. When we were saying goodbye - this is the point when I, the Christian, am supposed to invite her to church, right? - she says, "So what church do you guys attend?" I'm thinking to myself, "Oh, come on, God, that was too easy!" He put that opportunity in my lap, like a parent gently pushing their child on a bike with training wheels. Tomorrow morning, I'm hoping she'll be able to ride with us to church. All that matters is that God is in control and He's after her heart (and mine). I'm so thankful that He let me be part of His work to His glory.